How do we heal?

How do we heal from cruelty? from mean words, said in a deliberate attempt to injure?

That is my question for today.

In part, it seems that we must simply let a certain amount of time go by. After all, when we are injured physically, that is nearly always the case. Even a superficial wound will disappear only over a few days. A deeper one will take a good deal longer.

We heal, I guess, by remembering that we have recovered from similar, or worse, events in the past.

Etc., etc. I am not, however, consoled by any of these thoughts. A betrayal takes longer, I suppose, than an injury not accompanied by betrayal.

Someone close to me has recently lost her husband, who was also her best friend. Grief, then, has been on my mind in recent days. I'm again struck, as I have been after my own bereavements, that one does not want to "feel better" after a loss. One wants the lost person or object or opportunity to be restored. That is all one wants. Not relief from pain, but for there to be no cause of the pain.

I suppose my pain in this instance is compounded by grief.

And that, I suppose, is another way that we heal -- by identifying the various strands of the painful situation, and by naming them.

I feel somehow, though, that this person's wickedness, her sheer evil, means for me that it is time to stop even trying to stem the tide of criticism and dislike and hatred. I stand engulfed. Having struggled so hard, for so very, very long, I cannot imagine continuing that effort. I have, in the end, simply been defeated.

Comments

[am]

What you have written,

"And that, I suppose, is another way that we heal -- by identifying the various strands of the painful situation, and by naming them."

sheds beautiful light on my own ongoing healing. Grief and sorrow are as sacred as joy. I have experienced, and know I will experience again, the defeat you speak of as well as the moments of release and relief and joy that come much later.

Kind wishes always,
am

[Keara]

AM, your kindness and support contain healing powers. I read the words "facing the pain" this morning while re-reading a favorite novel (Howatch, Mystical Paths). It sounds like you are doing exactly that. Which makes me think that healing cannot be far away for you. (for us?)