Something Beautiful

The importance of truth (cont'd)

I feel I've stumbled on a beginning to the end of my pain by focusing on truth. If something is not true, I need not fear it. If something is true, my pain will cease only when I grapple with it, confront it, deal with it. There is nothing terribly frightening in that, although I might need some time and patience in order to be able to do it.

I'm casting about on the Web looking for helpful statements about the truth. So far I haven't found much. There's this:

     ". . . and the truth shall set you free." (John 8:32)

There is my post on how the law of the Lord, in its perfection, restoreth the soul.

There are these two other quotations, that I have quoted earlier in this blog:

     "Respect for the truth comes close to being the basis for all morality." (Frank Herbert)

     "Every violation of truth is not only a sort of suicide in the liar, but is a stab at the health of human society." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

I have a glimmer of a sense that, if I can pursue this line of thinking, I just might be able to come to grips with things that happened decades ago, with what happened yesterday, and with things that happened during all the intervening years. It is just possible that a heavy dose of sunshine might disinfect the whole lot of them.

That is another truth-related quote, I suppose:

     "Sunshine is the best disinfectant." (Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis)

A related theme is that of invalidation. I haven't looked up the etymology, but I'm pretty sure that the words "valid" and "invalid" have something to do with truth.

(Added later: The word "valid," as I have used it here, appears to mean "supported by facts or authority." Invalidation would then presumably mean something like: "denying the existence of facts or authority.")

Here's a definition of (emotional) invalidation:

"To invalidate is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone's feelings."

In order to continue, I'm going to have to announce some truths, I suppose, or at least say what I accept as true. One proposed truth: It is wrong, morally and ethically, to invalidate another. A related proposed truth: It is both wrong and cruel, i.e., profoundly immoral, to invalidate while pretending to "love" the invalidated person.

Just now, as I investigated invalidation, I came across a set of suggested responses to invalidating statements. What interests me, apart from their possible effectiveness (at least for the speaker) is that they are all essentially truth-oriented!

Now, a bit later, I have come across an entire pamphlet that deals with the question how to think about, and respond to, criticism. I haven't studied it yet, but it looks wonderful.

The importance of truth

As I attempt once again today to understand and address and heal my pain, I come once more to the power of truth. From time to time, I find myself trying out a notion so radical (for me) that I cannot quite believe it: that perhaps there is no pain, but only the temporary acceptance of falsehood and the postponed effort to seek the truth.

Yesterday's email, which has given rise to so much pain that I have contemplated shutting down this blog, was full of falsehood. The fact that someone I trusted would insist on so many pernicious falsehoods, deliberately and with malice aforethought, has caused me so very much pain yesterday, last night and still this morning.

It seems possible, perhaps even likely, that I can cause that pain to diminish, and even cease, only by examining the statements that were made and making a full and complete effort to discover their degree of truth. My inclination is, in part, to do the opposite -- to run away from the pain they have caused, and therefore from them as well.

I'm thinking, however, as I work my way through these multiple hours of twisting and turning and attempting to find surcease, that "the only way out is through." The only way to make pain stop is by going to its source, examining it honestly, discovering the honorable way to deal with it, and then following through.

Working through sadness

Last week was a difficult one for me, quite full of sadness. Today my grief continues, and I search for a footing, a means of finding my way toward the future. Although it would be inaccurate for me to claim to be religious, I'm nonetheless reminded of these words from St. Paul (Philippians 4:8):

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

That is indeed what we must do: think on the good, the true, the just, the lovely. And so I must redouble my own effort to do so.

Who you spend your time with

I don't think this is literally true, but I think it might be getting at an important truth --

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. (Jim Rohn)

Most of my time is spent alone. I need to be more mindful of who is in my mind.

An oldie (but a goodie)

This has been around for a long time.  It embodies a deep truth:  

This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given  this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good.

 

Truth (the basis for morality)

"Respect for the truth comes close to being the basis for all morality." (Frank Herbert)

Simple truths (cont'd)

I used to be fond of saying this, vis a vis writing projects:  "Structure is everything."  And then I would add, somewhat grudgingly, "Okay, content is a little."  

That saying has come back to me rather suddenly, but in quite a different context and with potentially greater meaning.  I don't have time to elaborate just at the moment, but hope to soon.

These thoughts have re-arisen partly in connection with a recent article in the New York Times. 

Simple truths?

I've found myself saying at various times that any relationship can be made peaceful if the two people can only achieve "right distance."   To put it very simplistically, the person who you might not be able to tolerate as a neighbor would probably be perfectly bearable to you if they lived a few blocks over.   It's a question of finding -- and keeping -- that distance at which you are both at peace. 

Last night I found myself asking if I might not be able to get all my tasks accomplished -- even those on which I have delayed for years -- by the use of simple checklists.   Pick a task; create a checklist; do the first three steps on it.  A good checklist will rarely have more than five parts.  I can almost always do 3-5 shortish steps on any given day.  

Today I'm wondering if one can't wrestle some degree of satisfaction on any day, even one that is full of unpleasantness, by wearing blinders.  And maybe using a checklist. 

Maybe there's something called "right focus" too.  If my day is going well, my focus needn't be all that concentrated.   If it isn't, though, perhaps I need to put on my blinders, shut out all other considerations, and just follow one short checklist.   And then, God willing, another.  

Depression is, in so many respects, just a feeling of utter futility, of helplessness and ineffectiveness.   The completion of even one short checklist can be a small, but significant, antidote against those large forces.  

 

The prize divides us

I wish I could learn to remember this, to make it really part of me (translated by Thomas Merton) --

When an archer is shooting for nothing 
  He has all his skill.
  If he shoots for a brass buckle
  He is already nervous.
  If he shoots for a prize of gold
  He goes blind
  Or sees two targets--
  He is out of his mind!

    His skill has not changed.  But the prize
  Divides him.  He cares.
  He thinks more of winning
  Than of shooting--
  And the need to win
  Drains him of power.

 

In a similar vein --

No use fretting over gold, beauty or fame;
Nurturing these, how can we calm
Our fluttering heart?

Non attachment brings deep truth,
And a truthful nature brings immortality.

Empty your heart,
Sit quietly on a mat.

In meditation we become one with All;
Tao billows like the vapors
In a mountain valley,
And its supernatural power wafts into our soul.

-- Loy Ching-Yuen (1873-1960)

Permanent ideals

I think today's Positive Quote, from Honore de Balzac, is particularly terrific:

To live in the presence of great truths and eternal laws, to be led by permanent ideals - that is what keeps a man patient when the world ignores him, and calm and unspoiled when the world praises him.